bad kid

It's official. I'm a bad kid. So I made another blog. Not really the fun blog where I get to put my thoughts freely. It's more about my school life. What I'm doing, how I'm doing it, how I am performing in my classes and other stuff. I actually made it for my family. Though I'm not prepared to give them the link yet. It's gratification and punishment at the same time. Gratification when I get good grades, punishment if I get low grades. I'll publish everything. I'm going to put my performances out there in the open. It's a way of disciplining myself, I guess?

I actually thought about the blog thing because I finally want to start opening up to my family again. My sister and I had a "talk" over the sembreak, and it helped clear a lot of things. I am very much contented now. I'm starting over and I want my family to be in every part of it. But somehow, I'm just not prepared to share everything with them yet. I want to tell my sister that I find my PE teacher cute and I've been smiling like an idiot the whole day. I want to tell her how weird it felt to be actually enjoying a day at school. I want to tell my sister, but not my mom, dad, other sisters. Well, at least not yet.

It's been years since I stopped being the kid who talked about everything at the dinner table. It's kinda hard to bring that back, but I hope they know I am trying. I hope to share this blog with them too, someday. I don't know. Maybe I just need to prove to myself that I am deserving enough for the love they have given me all this time. Then maybe, just maybe, I can finally share with them my inner thoughts... no matter how useless, disappointing, funny, idiotic, and crazy they are.