wrong move

I should have known better. This is what happens when I get too curious.

It's hard to address this in third person, so I'm going to address this directly to you.

First off, I never thought of you badly. I always kind of thought you were perfect. In fact, you're what they call "too good to be true". But I always believed in you. Always. So seeing this kind of thing was a bit shocking for me.

I knew you like keeping secrets. But I didn't expect it to be this kind.

First off, I like you as friend. Even if you show me this side of you, I wouldn't hate you, okay? You keep on telling your readers that letting it out in the open is nice. It's liberating. But why can't you apply that in real life?

Honestly, I never blamed you for that incident. You know that. In fact, I was insisting that it was my fault. But you kept insisting it was yours. I honestly feel guilty for making you feel that way, that is, until I read that.

Why? Why lie to me? I mean I understand that you dislike that person's comment about the incident. I didn't like it as well. I knew it was my fault. I knew it was. But why couldn't you tell it to me? You kept on insisting that the incident was your fault, that it was your responsibility. You took all the blame, even if I knew it was mine and I was insisting it was mine.

Why do that? Seriously. Why do that?

Why do that when deep inside your thought you actually believe it was my fault? That it was my responsibility, not yours? I'm mature enough to handle those kinds of stuff. I know when I did something wrong. And yet, you made me a lot guiltier than I should have because you were taking the blame in my place. Why?

I wish you just stayed quiet when I was insisting it was my fault. I don't care if you only wanted to win the argument. You are my friend. You've been in this position before, so you should know how it feels to trust someone and then realize it too late that they actually had something to say about a certain incident.

I don't mind taking the blame for something I did. And for one thing, I don't like people covering up for me because... one, it makes me feel guilty, and two, it makes me feel so immature to the point that the people around me feel that I can't handle stuff like those.

But to be honest, what you did was worse. I can easily forgive people for wholeheartedly covering up for me, but what you did was an entirely different story. You took the blame for me, but you didn't do it because you wanted to.

This will be my first and last post regarding that incident. I want you to know that I'm not mad, and I don't hate you for that. But, I am hurt. I am really hurt. I wish you can be just a bit more honest towards me. I don't judge.

I know that you know that already. I just wish you can understand it the way I want you to.